PING PONG COUTURE.

Ping pong is not a sport you associate with high fashion. It's the sport of the weirdo, in nylon shorts and rayon socks. And a cotton, nylon mix shirt, with stains. Imagine my horror when this little beauty turned up. Matching tracky top and sporty pant. In purple with broad white piping. A look that raised ping pong in the fashion hit parade up five places to a creditable 18th, just above pole vaulting.
Nice one.

THE NATURAL HAS ARRIVED

PLAYER PROFILE NUMBER 2. SAMUEL 'THE MACHINE' BREEN
Sam ‘The Machine’ Breen is unique. He's the one. Neo. He’s Keanu Reeves with a bubble perm. He’s been playing ping pong for only two months and in his second competitive match he recorded a clean sweep of 3-0 against a good team. It’s never happened before, and I doubt it will ever happen again. A man so naturally gifted, that when he plays, it goes into Matrix vision, and he operates at bullet time. The ball travels at half speed and his bat doubles in size. and he JUST keeps getting it back, again and again. He’s a freak. He’s our freak.

REVENGE IS A DISH BEST SERVED COLD.

When you watch any of the Final Destination movies, you kind of have a pretty good idea what’s going to happen. Everyone is going to get it. And it’s going to pretty graphic. It’s a given. Matches between Irving and Karmarama have always been the same. Karmarama always lose. Always.
Tuesday, October the 13th saw a dramatic script change.
It was like watching Final Destination 7 expecting to see a slaughter fest and ten minutes in it turns into a Rom com.
Jim ‘Geordie rage’ Brumby, Sam ‘The Machine’ Breen and Dave ‘The Truth’ Buonaguidi ventured to the furthest reaches of the league, New Cross. A land far, far away, of burnt out off-licences and random stabbings, the streets littered with used syringes and artificial legs. These Three Amigo’s sought to overturn sports most one sided historical grudge match. They were pitched against 2 familiar faces and one newbie. Gary Grimshaw and Rona Radenhurst have been the equivalent of human kryptonite to Karmarama over the years and had that kind of swagger that 5 years of non stop victory affords you as they greeted Olympia’s finest and only ping pong team. They were joined by the strangely named Chinese lad, Train.
Yes. Train.
The venue was the newly refurbished sports hall of the All Saints Church and it became the scene of one of the greatest ever exorcisms in history. Even better than the one in the film of the same name.
Karmarama were unstoppable. Geordie Rage properly dismantled Grimshaw. Then The Machine pulled the wings of the fly that was Radenhurst. Next the moment of Truth. Buonaguidi has never fared well against Irving, in fact his record against them is comical. But following his team-mates inspired showing he met Train in a head on collision of ping pong fury. Train came off the tracks, and burst into flames.
Suddenly Karmarama found themselves 3-0 up and Irving were looking like pensioners on a cruise ship in the middle of a hurricane Katrina. Green faces and shitty pants all round.
And it just got worse. Geordie Rage rediscovering the form that made him the Battle Hill Ping Pong champ in 1982 won all three matches with aplomb. Then The Truth won all his three, beating Grimshaw and Radenhurst for the first time in his pathetic little life. Finally, The Machine, who was only in his second competitive match showed skill, judgement, poise, panache and other stuff to sew up a simply majestic victory of epic proportions, and win all his games too. The doubles of Truth and Rage against Grimshaw and Radenhurst won through the make it a clean sweep.
Ten nil.
A victory that will resonate for many years to come.

I AM RAGE, HEAR ME ROAR!

PLAYER PROFILE NUMBER 1. JAMES 'GEORDIE RAGE' BRUMBY.
A month ago, Karmarama discovered a Superhero, Geordie Rage. A man forged in the frozen Northlands of Tyne and Fear. A man who drinks chack for breakfast, lunch and tea and once ate his own leg just for the craik.
A man of so much pent up rage and feral power that he has gone into the Karmarama Hall of Fame, and there isn’t even a Hall of Fame. He is pure Karmaramaness. Big shots, lots of aggression, and a genetic hatred of losing. In fact against Irving he was throwing such big bombs he threw his arse out on two occasions. He is an shining example to us all. Rooooaaaaaaarrrrr!

The new shirts are IN!!!! And they rock!
Club members get for free, friends and family £3!
RSVP with orders.

MATCH NEXT WEEK, PLAYERS PLEASE.

It's on Tuesday daaan the Old Kent Road and it's against the spinny bastards at Irving5!
Who wants it?

FIRST GAME. FIRST DRAW. FIRST BLOOD.

Finsbury 6 at Home.

Wednesday 7th October was a night of firsts.
First game of the season. First team appearances for Sam "The Machine" Breen and Jim "The Geordie Rage" Brumby. First time the opposing team brought an entire squad of players for a match. First time a point was given away by Karmarama because the table travelled four feet towards the opposition during a heated rally in the doubles.
What a match it was though.
Pigman Gayner saw off Finsbury 6's Christopher Robin comfortably in the first game. . Later, the Pig saw off pencil gripping Rui in a tense match filled with backspin and tentative smashes but later went down to the black-suited French destroyer Maxime "The Pretty Boy" Grenoille. Had he listened to his coach, The Sherwinator, Pig would have used his forehand more. But he pussied it, and got beat like a twat.
Sam "The Machine" Breen lost his Team Karmarama virginity well and good. Yes, he also lost every game, but not without some extremely spirited play. Frustration etched into his face, he looked like a man who wanted the taste of victory badly. Good things come to those who wait, and as most Karmarama players know, this means getting beaten for two years until you play someone on crutches. And even then, you still sometimes get beaten.
Later in the pub, Sam looked shellshocked. We know this feeling and it passes with some attentive therapy. But the man's got natural talent and some time with The Sherwinator will do him much good. One to watch.
The hero of the night, though, was Jim "The Geordie Rage". Beating Rui quite easily, Rage looked like he wanted to damage someone or something very badly when he went down to Maxime "The Pretty Boy". Needing to win his last game to give Karmarama a chance of victory, Rage squared off against the cocky, but highly talented, Hin. The match was one of the greatest ever played at Karmarama. Thrilling rallies, exquisite serving and more emotion than one of those funerals they have in gospel churches in the deep south of America when everyone cries, then sings to really jazzy music, then cries again. After some of the tensest ping-pong known to man, The Rage did away with cocky Hin and literally grew two inches in stature. He now has to buy new trousers and get his shirts adjusted.
Needing to win the last match (the doubles) to draw, Rage and Pigman did battle against Christopher Robin and Cockybastard Hin. As you'll all know, Karmarama excel at doubles, bonding like brothers over ball and bat. Despite the table moving incident (over zealous smashing from The Rage), Karmarama stormed to victory earning the club a draw in the first match of the season.

Man of the match: Geordie Rage.