SCREECH SUCKS! YOINKS!!!!

Following the bizarre "we are likely to lose our unbeaten record, we're fielding a weakened team" email from UCL2, Karmarama2 were wary and suspicious. They needn't have been. UCL2 were telling the truth and The Truth, The Rage and Braveheart, resplendent in DEATH BY PING PONG attire, doled out an 8-2 beating to the leagues top team.
The result was as good as over before a ball had even been served, as only two of the opposition could be arsed to turn up. One a very tall bloke who got easly annoyed about everything and another bloke who looked like Screech from Saved by the Bell. The Truth Buonaguidi was the first to play, and lost a tense 5 setter. Braveheart won both his games convincingly, with some terrificly technical rallies. Then the RAGE appeared and the steam roller gathered speed. Screech and Tall Bloke were both smashed into oblivion, before The Truth reappeared to play his game against Screech. It wasn't a close game, but was amusing, because Buonaguidi employed the youth club serve on several occasionsand annoyed the hell out of Screech who ended up grinding his teeth to stumps before dispatching Karmarama2's weaked player on the night. Thne doubles was a festival of big shots and high quality
rallies. The Rage used Buonaguidis bat "Excalibur" and after getting to grips with it, started throwing some Geordie Bombs about, combined with some powerful shots from Braveheart the match was won in three straight sets.
Back on the winning road. Bring in on.

BEWARE THE RADGE!

Something odd happened on the Old Kent Road last night.
A rage so ragesome and rageful was unearthed from the crypt of a church recently condemned by the devil himself.
Three weeks ago Geordie rage was part of a team that doled out an almighty hiding to our nemisis. He returned home and stripped down to his black and white striped TOON underkecks and clambered onto his roof and bellowed, I AM RAGE HEAR ME ROAAAAAARR!!!!! There can be only ONE!!!!!! He then grabbed a cuppa and sat down and watched the box set of Prime Suspect until he fell asleep.
Meanwhile under the church, a stone coffin began twitching, and the lid was dragged off and what emerged has shaken the KARMARAMA 2 squad to its very foundations. Oh FUCK it's SUPER RADGE!!!!
Geordie Rage, Tartan Topspin Terror and Braveheart trooped off to the furthest reaches of sanity trying to complete a 10-0 double whammy but came home with nothing. Nothing but fear.

The match was most notable for Geordie Rage being completely and utterly outclassed. Not on the table - God forbid! - but in the rage department. He was comfortably out-raged! By SUPER RADGE, who was so angry he looked all set to attack his own team mate for having the temerity to be sitting somewhere near his line of site. Could he be John McEnroe's long lost brother? Quite how he'll cope in the confines of our more compact and, how to put it, debris-laden arena will be a wonder to behold!

As for the TT, well all the Irving guys were all very good. Ken their captain, brandished some devious pimpled bat he was happy to tell us would be declared illegal in international competition, and won all his matches. Hmmm.

The Karmarama boys all did their best, but it was not to be. Special mention to Geordie Rage for 3 amazing and close matches,
stuff so amazing that Ken nicely put it after one rally: "that's 1st division material that". If they had charged seven pounds
admission money, I'd have gladly paid it. TWICE. Once for my invisible friends Charlie! Some fantastic Ping Pong, demonstrating brilliant attacks of both wings, and some great tactics too.

The Phoenix nights vibe was certainly in full effect, especially in the final doubles match, when Ken threatened to default his doubles partner due to ungentlemanly conduct towards the opposition. There was hardly a straight face in the house. Pure comedy gold.Geordie Rage may need to think about hiring a ball boy for next week though, to help with towelling off his head between points! haha.

IRVING MATCH REPORT. BETTER LATE THAN NEVER.

MONDAY NOVEMBER 2 : ISH 6, AWAY

THE TEAM: Justin 'Pigman' Gayner, Campbell 'Braveheart' McKellar, Mark 'Tartan Topspin Terror' Fawbert

Playing ISH 6 is like reading one of your favourite books or taking a shit.
You know what's going to happen, but the ending is always a pleasant surprise.
In this case, the book (or the turd) is ISH 6's Old Man Leo. Although, calling him a faeces is completely and utterly wrong as he's one of the nicest guys on earth. He always brings biscuits (digestives)and shakes your hand after every match. And he always says well done which is lovely.
The thing is that he's 109 years old  and although he clearly trains in the gym, he moves really slowly. Gracefully, but dead slow. Like an old ping pong playing pink tortoise.
Now Old Man Leo, as nice as he is, normally brings a load of fucking aggressive twats who just want to smash the hell out of the ball.
This time he brought Desmond Douglas who was incredibly nice, and Chinese Warrior who didn't say much but was clearly a good bloke.
Unfortunately, Douglas and Chinese Warrior were also really fucking good at table tennis. Like serious paid up motherfocking ping pong ninjas. Despite getting beat, Campbell shone during the evening producing some of the most exciting table tennis the club has ever seen. His looped forehand is a truly exceptional work of art and he should sell it for £9.99 in petrol stations. Sadly it wasn't enough and we got beaten comprehensively.
The most shocking news is that one of us even got beaten by Old Man Leo. This has never happened before so he probably went home and pleasured himself for the first time in years. Which is good. But what goes on tour stays on tour and this club is all about unity so it doesn't matter who got beaten by him. The inner pain will be quite enough.

THE FUTURE'S BRIGHT, THE FUTURE'S YOUNG.

As a man in my forties I know that I only have maybe twenty years left to be playing the beautiful game at my level, fortunately, The Sherwinator and Helly have discovered a new wonderkid from France called Vladimir Lopes. According to both Helly and The Sherwinator, THIS KID IS MUTARD!!!!! MUTARD TRES, TRES CHAUDE!!!!! At the unveiling of Darius he played a few games and is a real prospect at the highest level.
YOINKS!

KARMARAMA SIGNS GOD.

OH YEAH!!!!!!
In a move that will strike fear and terror into the hearts of our opponents, we have just audaciously signed DARIUS KNIGHT as an OFFICIAL guest member of our fine club. Sadly, he failed to make the grade for tonight's match against FINSBURY LC5. Hopefully with a bit more practice and dedication we can wheel him out in the future.
Next, I will traveling to Germany soon with some cable ties and a bottle of ether to see if I can get Timo Boll to sign.

WE LOST, WE LOST, WE LOST.

Ooooohh GOooooooooooooooood!!!!!!
We lost. Arrrgggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Today is officially a day of mourning.
Match report will follow.