OLD BUT GOLD

For all the new players joining the ranks of this fine club, this is a film made several years ago about Karmarama Ping Pong when we were based in Gresse Street. Your mission is to not be as awful as the players in this film. Sorry Tom.

HOW TO WIN WITH GRACE

At this fine club we have a fine tradition of losing with no grace whatsoever. Two fights last year bear testament to this proud history. We do however win with grace and charm, but it happens so rarely that we are very often overcome with surprise and shock. If we win any games this season can we create a winning dance? This is how you do it.

THE SHERWINATOR!

Sherwin is good. But you knew that right! If you didn't, you do now!

FIXTURES, FIXTURES, FIXTURES

Here are the list of fixtures for October. Last year I listed all the games for the whole season hoping that all you brave players would work out which games you fancied playing in. It didn't work out that way did it? No, you know it didn't. So this time it's just the first 4 games of the season.

Last season we won the first game 10-0.
I know that will never happen again in my lifetime but can we try and get involved?

WEDNESDAY 7TH OCTOBER.....HOME AGAINST FINSBURY LEISURE CENTRE 6.
Homework. Finsbury are a bloody ping pong machine churning out quality players all over the place. They have lots of teams and we are really good at losing against all of them. FIN6 looks like a new team, so BEWARE! But like a football manager on the eve of the new season, my rousing speech goes something like this: OK boys, early doors lets get stuck in and put the bloody boot in, don't let them settle and get an early goal (yeah I know) sit back and hit them on the break and wind them up as much as possible.

TUESDAY 13TH OCTOBER....AWAY TO IRVING5.
Right this lot are a bloody nightmare! All of these boys are defenders and they don't care what time they get home, so if you want to win the match be prepared for a long night. They pissed me off so much last season I snapped my bat over my knee! Stay calm and just keep getting the ball back, and eventually they will mess up. There are two twins and they both play exactly the same (not surprisingly) one is better than the other, but I can't remember which one is which, (not surprisingly). Beatable if you stay cool. Address: All Saints Church, Monson Road SE14 5DJ (Old Kent Road) I want to win it BAD!!!!!


MONDAY 19TH OCTOBER......AWAY TO ISH7.
Another odd one this, last years ISH7 won the league but they are now Olympic Karmarama so I haven't got a clue what they will be like. But it's an international college, which means: CHINESE KIDS! Which means: STUDENTS!, which means lots of time to practice. which means we are going to get MASHED!!!!. Helly can help here, the captain is called Vice Starr which sounds like he should be brilliant. Vince Starr Super Star, he could alternatively be a porn star that's crap at the pong. Let's hope so.
Address: ISH, 229 Great Portland street, London W1W 5PN


WEDNESDAY 28TH OCTOBER....HOME TO STEPNEY GREEN 5
This lot got relegated from the second division so they will be a bit tasty. they only advice I can give, and I am not at all qualified to give it is: Hit the ball really hard and hope they don't get it back. If they do, hit back again harder. There endeth the lesson.

IT'S OFFICIAL

SHERWIN IS AN ANIMAL. Imagine a cat owned by Bruce Lee and a tiger owned by Chuck Norris. They mate and they make a little baby. That's Sherwin. Roooowrrrrrr!

NOW I'VE SEEN EVERYTHING

Many years ago we had two teams representing Karmarama, one very good, one very shit.
Then the first team was disbanded and Super George and the Sherwinator had to play with the dregs of the 3rd division. Exciting News!!!! With the arrival of Sherwin, and the extra coaching that Super George has been putting in, we applied to the league to enter a first team into the second division. Then another miracle occurred. Two in 6 months is pretty cool! Helly Chahal the awesome captain of ISH7 and the team that annihilated allcomers and won the 3rd division at a canter and the Warne Cup last year contacted me and said he wanted to set up a new Karmarama team with his old team and Super George and the Sherwinator. So we did it. The new team is called Olympic Karmarama, and they are super shit hot, and they will play in the second division. They are also playing in another league in London, because they are good and unlike the second team it seems, very keen. Yoinks!

SEXY PING PONG?

In my book ping pong has always been sexy. Just look at the image of Pigman for confirmation, but this little minx has taken it to new levels.
This is some blurb that goes with the picture.
Japan's Naomi Yotsumoto adds some cosplay to her gameplay.
Things are heating up around the table tennis table! Rocked by the attention "sexy" sports like women's beach volleyball got at the 2008 Beijing Summer Olympics, staid sports such as table tennis are paddling like mad to keep up.
Adored by devoted fans in mainly Asian countries, table tennis has its superstars both male and female - yet neither sex looks very sexy clad in baggy shirts and shorts. All that may change soon, thanks to a concerted push by not only the players, but the governing bigwigs at the International Table Tennis Federation.
Commenting on the issue, ITTF vice-president Claude Bergeret stated "We are trying to push the players to use skirts and also nicer shirts, not the shirts that are made for men, but ones with more curves." Liking!

At the beginning of the year, god decided to bless the nice people of Hammersmith and Chelsea with a miracle of their choice. After much deliberating we sent our request upstairs and sure enough we got an answer. This miracle is up there with the burning bush and turning water into wine, but not quite as good and the parting of the Red Sea because that was really amazing. Anyway, we call it the 'Miracle of Sherwin'. He popped in one dark evening with his wife and said he wanted to practice at our 'club'. Within 30 seconds he was in our squad and was employed as our in-house coach. Most importantly he is sponsored by the Karmarama Ping Pong Club in major tournaments all of the UK (events to follow). He was runner up in the Liverpool Open and lost to Darius Knight in the Lambeth Open and we are entering him into the English Open. Beleive!

A NEW BLING PONG CHAMP

Last week we had the Karmarama Open Ping Pong championships. No Dawson, no Super George and no Sherwin, so it was a very open competition, and some great matches were watched by a massive crowd, in fact three new players for the team have been recruited as a result. Allesandro 'The Volcano' Andolina, Jim "Geordie Rage' Brumby and Sam 'Curly Bastard' Breen all join the ranks of London's least successful ping pong team.
Incredibly Jim 'Geordie Rage' Brumby was only invited on the night as he delivered the DJ equipment, hadn't picked up a bat in anger in over twenty years. He soon rediscovered the form of his youth was in fantastic form and even with a shit bat was dropping bombs all over the place and was unlucky not to progress to the final.
The tournament was eventually won by last years losing finalist the enigmatic, charismatic, and all round pretty boy Justin 'Pigman' Gayner. A great match against Sam 'Curly Bastard' Breen saw them go to one each before Pigman won the final game 11-9.
ALL HAIL THE NEW KING.

FREAK WEATHER WARNING

This looks nice doesn't it? A man and a woman in their prime enjoying a post sex game of Water Pong in the comfort of their own swimming pool. If you go down to the Theatre of Tears Ping Pong Arena at Karmarama Villas you will find it's not a million miles away from this picture. Burst pipes allegedly, so currently the room is out of commission which will no doubt mean a delay to matches in both leagues. I WILL KEEP YOU POSTED.
We are working on it.

NEW WEB SITE

For those of you that didn't know, the Karmarama Ping Pong club is steeped in tradition and heritage. That's why we set up a website to celebrate everything about the club and also allow civilians the chance to purchase exclusive club merchandise and also take advantage of our coaching facilities. Check it. www.karmapingpong.com

T SHIRTS ARRIVE NEXT WEEK

Having successfully re-negotiated our substantial sponsorship deal with the NINTENDO VIDEO GAMES company of Japan, the new club shirts will hopefully be arriving next week. They are free to club members and will be available to buy on the website (www.karmapingpong.com).
Please contact me with your size, S,M,L XL.

THE NEW SEASON DAWNS

It's that time of year again. As the mornings get nippy, teh evening are dark and all you can smell is CHACK!!! It can only mean one thing. PING PONG SEASON.
Maybe now is the time to start that training regime, and burn off that blubber that has been building up over the summer. CALL SHERWIN ON 07545581634 NOW!
The season starts next week, but the hand books have been delayed at the printers so a fixture list will appear soon.
Stand by your beds.