Come and have a go if you think you're good enough!
A wet Tuesday night in the less glamorous environs of the Old Kent Road,
saw the Karmarama boys on the road for their first away match of the
season, in a Central London 3rd Division clash with Irving 5 in the crypt
of the All Saints church.
The line-up was team captain for the night, Super George accompanied by The
Flying Dutchman and the Tartan Topspin Terror. The Irving outfit was an
motley crew that featured one of their regulars Dan Lines. After a brief
warm up, it became clear that Irving lads were using both a pimpled bat and
had a southpaw player in the ranks, which ruffled the usually pristine
feathers of the Karma crew.
Nonetheless, Captain George kicked off proceedings against the pimpled
blade of Lines. Now, as scholars of the game know, the pimpled bat is
supposed to confuse and daze the opposite player with its unpredictable
effect on the ball. Certainly, it left the team mates of super George dazed
and confused as he seemed to leave his usual offensive power game in the
gents' toilets and proceeded to play a defensive tippy tappy game of
powder-puff ping pong. After losing the first two monotonous games that
more resembled a game of chess, George turned to his team mates and summed
it up when he remarked, "I'm playing sh*t, aint I"? to which, he got a
blank riposte "yes George, you are". Such a tactical pep talk soon geed the
man up though as he rediscovered his power game and confidence to reel off
the next 3 games and get the lads off to a winning start.
Next up was the topspin Terror. With wise words of wisdom from the Pig Man
ringing loudly in his ears, the Tartan Terror was determined not to play
himself out before he played himself in. Up against a useful, if not
devastating player from the Irving side, he narrowly lost in 3 straight
games to 8, 8 & 7. Honour was established and there were minimal errors
flowing from his sometimes errant bat.
The 3rd game was the biggest mis-match since England faced Germany in the
World Cup as Karma's strongest player faced the weakest from the Irving
side. The Flying Dutchman warmed up his forehand loop and found his range
as he raced through 3 easy games.
In the second round Super George once again found himself behind and was
within a point of going 2 down, when he sneaked the second game in sudden
death from where he never looked back and ran out a 3-1 winner. Next up, a
seminal moment, the Topspin Terror was to pop his ping pong cherry and
record his first win in the Karma colours, although not without doing it
the hard way. After racing into a one game lead, he seemed to be (mentally
at least) already giving his victory speech. 3 minutes later he was 2-1
down and staring into what surely would be the ping pong equivalent of
purgatory. Nonetheless, after some wise counsel from the Flying Dutchman
about sticking to his forehand serve, the Terror raised his game to take it
to a fifth, where he ran out an easy winner 11-2 . The forehand smash that
clinched the match was accompanied by a primeval roar that was surely
enough to wake some of the permanent residents in the outside graveyard.
Certainly ghosts were exorcised and demons were vanquished. He'll be
sending the All Saints Church a bill.
From there on in, the match went according to plan. The Flying Dutchman's
forehand loop and backhand flick were too strong for Lines' pimples or
Irving's southpaw and he and Super George blasted their way through the
doubles in quick style.
"A successful night" toasted the Karama Crew in the back of their stretch
hummer as they headed through the cold damp streets of south East London on
their way back to the West End for a night on the tiles with Kelly Brook
and Kylie Minogue. As for Irving, one of their members was spotted through
the misted up windows of the limo forlornly waiting on the number 42, with
a copy of "Ping Pong with Pimples" peeping from his Addidas bag.
